Eddie The Carpet Murderer
by Shrinking Cactus
Summary: A one-shot about how Martin deals with an aging Eddie.


Eddie The Carpet Murderer

Rated G

Disclaimer: I do not own Frasier or anything related to it.

Summary: A one-shot about how Martin deals with an aging Eddie. Takes place around the last season, before Martin got married. So that would make Eddie approx. 84 years in dog years. 12 years in human. I got this from Season Nine's Episode: Deathtrap. Martin refers to Eddie as being "about 10". I guess I should thank my dad for making me upset which caused me to come up with this idea.

Bad Eddie

The rain had just started to lighten up as Martin went down to grab the mail. Normally, he'd let Frasier get it when he got home, but he was expecting a package. Some sort of new sports blooper reel he purchased. On his way to the mailbox, he heard a high pitched squeal that ended in a loud crash followed by two other loud crashes. It sounded like a garbage truck running over a line of garbage cans. He looked outside and saw a four car accident. Many people gathered around to see what had happened, but no one did anything to help. So Martin, being the good citizen that he was, went outside to help the people involved. Thankfully, no one was hurt too badly.

The ordeal took a little over an hour to settle. Martin had to wait for the cops to arrive and then he had to make a statement of what he witnessed. When he was finished, he was able to go back to what he was doing before the accident. He checked the mail, which did not have the item that he wanted.

With a sigh, Martin entered the elevator, pushed the button for the nineteenth floor, and waited patiently to reach his destination. The elevator did not stop once and Martin was soon taken to his floor.

As he entered the apartment, he got a scent of something awful. He looked and saw Eddie lying on the floor next to his chair. Next to Eddie was a smear of feces. "Oh, Eddie." Martin sighed as he placed the mail on the cabinet next to the door. He then hurried over to Eddie and helped him up only to reveal more smeared feces on the carpet underneath Eddie as well as some on his fur. "Oh boy." Just then, Daphne entered the apartment. "Woo! What is that smell?" She pinched her nose. "Eddie had a little accident." Martin stepped aside to reveal the mess. "Oh my! What happened?" Daphne asked as she took Eddie from Martin and started walking towards Frasier's Bathroom. "I went to go get the mail and there was a car accident. I was only gone for an hour or so. - why are you taking him in Frasier's bathroom?" Martin asked. "This dog needs a good bath. Try to get started on cleaning up the carpet." Daphne shouted from the hallway. Martin did as she suggested and got the cleaning supplies.

As he was about half way through cleaning the mess, Frasier and Niles entered the apartment. "Hey dad – ew!" Niles' smiling face was suddenly covered by a disgusted look. "What happened?" Frasier asked with pure confusion, but as soon as he saw his carpet, his look immediately went sour. "What the Hell happened!?" He nearly shouted. "Look – It was an accident. I went to get the mail and there was a car accident. I was gone for about an hour and when I got back, it was too late." Martin explained. "Where's Eddie?" Niles asked. "Daphne's giving him a bath." Martin's face froze, remembering that Eddie was in Frasier's tub. "Where is he?" Frasier asked in a low grumble. "uh…" Martin stalled as Daphne finally emerged with a clean Eddie. "And just where did you give that mongrel a bath?" Frasier asked. "I had to use your tub. It's the easiest to use when bathing Eddie." Daphne answered. "What!?" Frasier looked completely shocked. "Don't worry, I cleaned it all up. Your bathroom is in perfect condition." Daphne tried to calm him down. "You know I hate it when other people use my bath. What makes you think I would even allow that… that mutt in my bathroom!?" "Oh Please. A bathroom is a place to get cleaned. Eddie was dirty. I cleaned him." Daphne answered Frasier's question. "But you didn't have to use my bathroom!" Frasier whined. "Calm down, Frasier. Would you rather have Eddie run around here with crap all over him?" Niles patted Frasier's shoulders. "No, but I would prefer it if Eddie didn't use my carpet as a toilet!" Frasier retaliated. "It was an accident! He didn't do this on purpose! If he did, he would do it more often and on places like your bed or couch!" Martin snapped trying to defend Eddie.

But unfortunately, the situation only got worse. Eddie began having more trouble with his bladder and bowel movements. He would awake in the middle of the night in the middle of a mess. Martin did his best to clean up the mess without Frasier knowing, but he would always find out and of course, he would always overreact.

"I tell ya, I don't know how much more I can take." Frasier told Roz as they sat in the café. "You mean Eddie hasn't gotten any better?" Roz asked. "No. He's only gotten worse. I wake up in the middle of the night because of the stench." "So it must just be old age. If he was sick, he would've gotten better by now." Roz clarified. "I'm assuming so." Frasier agreed. Just then Niles walked into the café. "Hello." He greeted warmly and sat down. "So, how's everything with Eddie and Dad?" Niles asked. "Do you really have to ask? I'm sure Daphne tells you about the messes she has to help clean up." Frasier replied. "Well, yes. But what do you plan to do about it?" Niles asked. "I don't know. There's nothing I really can do except…" Frasier stopped. "What?" Roz asked. "No." Niles picked up on what he was going to say. "You can't put Eddie down." He added. Roz just turned her head to stare at Frasier waiting for an answer. "No, I can't do that. That has to be something Dad has to do. But I will try to talk him in to choosing that option." Frasier admitted. "I can't believe you! What has that dog done to you, besides crapping all over your floors!?" Roz was shocked. "Well let's see… he's always disobeyed my rule of no dogs on the couch, he's always been a beggar for food, he's always taken part in ruining my dates, and let's not forget his staring problem." Frasier tried to justify himself. "Those are no reasons to end a dog's life." Roz stated. "Well, maybe Eddie is just getting old and maybe it's his time." Frasier mentioned. Silence fell upon them. "Are you really going to broach this to Dad?" Niles asked. "I have to. I can't go on living like this." Frasier shrugged. "I just think… I don't think he's going to take it very well." Niles shook his head. "I know. But there really isn't another choice. Will you talk to him with me?" Frasier asked. "I don't know…" Niles replied. "I could use your help. You know how dad can overreact." Frasier tried to convince his brother to help him. "Oh, that's great. Let's just make an event of this. Instead of calling it 'Happy Hour', we'll call it 'Let's Gang Up on Martin Hour'" Roz interrupted. "Well… Dad can be quite mean when subjects are brought up that he doesn't like. Remember that time when you stole his Viagra out of the Velveeta box? Remember how mad he got when we tried to talk to him about that? Plus, with the way you talk about things, it's only normal that he would get overly defensive." Niles thought out loud. "What's that supposed to mean?" Frasier suddenly got defensive. "Well, let's face it. You can be pretty harsh when it comes to talking to dad about Eddie." Niles explained. "I can't believe you guys are even considering doing this." Roz spoke up. "I don't know what else to do." Frasier admitted. "Well, tell me how it goes. I have to go pick up Alice from school." Roz said as she got up and left. "So you'll come over earlier tonight to help me before we go to the opera?" Frasier asked Niles again. "I guess so." Niles shrugged as he came to his final decision.

Later on that evening, Frasier and Niles sat Martin down. "What's going on?" Martin asked. "Well Dad…" Frasier started but lost his nerve quickly. "What?" Martin asked again. "Well, Dad… Have you ever thought of… putting Eddie down?" Niles finally pushed it out. "What!?" Martin asked outraged. "Well-" "No! I can't believe you two! You're really going to bring up this topic!?" Martin cut Niles off and got up to walk to his room, but was stopped by Frasier's voice. "You can't expect us to live like this from now on." "No, but what gives you the right to end his life? He hasn't hurt anyone." Martin stated as he turned around. "He's murdered my carpet plenty of times!" Frasier retaliated. Martin gave him a stern look. "It's still out of the question." He stated as he began to leave the room again, but this time he was stopped by Niles' voice. "Dad… you still have to face the fact that his problems are only getting worse." Martin stopped dead in his tracks and slowly turned around. "Don't you think I know that?" He stated as his eyes began to fill up with tears. Both Niles and Frasier immediately regretted even thinking of putting Eddie down. "I know he's getting old, but he's my dog, and I'll take care of him. Only I will make the decision to put him down, which I'll tell you right now, that is never gonna happen. So let me ask you a question. When I get older and start having problems, is this what you're gonna do to me? You're gonna put me down?" Martin asked. "Why of course not! We'll just stick you in a home." Frasier stated trying to lighten the mood. Unfortunately, it didn't work and Martin just glared at Frasier. "I'm sorry, Dad…" Frasier couldn't say anything else. "And I'm sorry too. It's none of our business what you decide to do with Eddie." Niles spoke up. Martin just nodded and headed back to his room.

After Niles and Frasier left for the opera, Martin finally went back out into the living room. He sat in his chair and noticed Eddie lying on the floor next to him. "Come here, boy." Martin commanded and Eddie did his best to jump up. When he stumbled, Martin bent down and picked him up. He held him on his lap for a few moments. "You know I love you." Martin said. "I'll take care of you. No matter what." He added. Eddie just looked up at his master with that simple look on his face. He must have understood what Martin said though because he gave him a small kiss on the chin as if to say "Thank you and I love you too".

~END


End file.
